Trump Urges Insured COVID-19 Victims to Use For-Profit Medical Care


(Foxnoxious News) WASHINGTON, April 1 –  President Trump today urged all insured Americans infected by the coronavirus to seek care only at for-profit facilities.

“American capitalism is the world’s greatest job-creating engine,” said the president in a prepared statement. “That’s why I urge all Americans who have both good health insurance and COVID-19 to get their care at for-profit hospitals and other wonderful, for-profit health care facilities.

The president expressed his compassion “for all the great companies whose share prices are suffering.” Americans who fall sick “can help make your life savings great again,” he said, by using investor-owned firms. In addition to hospitals, these include for-profit nursing homes, rehab facilities, home care and hospice, as well as funeral homes.

“If one million Americans get infected by COVID-19, that’s a terrific business opportunity,” the president declared.

At his daily press briefing, the president said that while he had nothing against non-profits, he wondered about their quality of care.

“Personally, I love nuns,” said Trump, “but what the hell does someone who takes a vow of poverty and chastity know about medicine?  It’s ridiculous.

“And hospitals run by universities? Who thought of that? A bunch of English professors running around in white coats. It’s crazy. Why would you get care from people like that?”

A White House spokesman emphasized that while President Trump felt those with good insurance should use for-profit facilities, he continued to believe that non-profits were best for those on Medicaid or without any health insurance at all.

Michael L. Millenson is president of Health Quality Advisors LLC and adjunct associate professor of medicine at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine.

1 reply »

  1. Ha ha. April Fools! Besides all the hospitals in NY state are non-profits.