By EMILY JOHNSON 

Being a parent during residency requires one or more of the following:

●     Family and/or friends nearby who are willing and able to provide free childcare

●     A stay-at-home spouse/co-parent

●     A spouse/co-parent who is willing to let their own career to be a distant second priority beneath family responsibilities and the resident’s career

●     Significant amounts of generational wealth that allow you to outsource household and childcare obligations with money you didn’t personally earn

●     High levels of financial risk tolerance and willingness to incur extraordinary levels of debt above and beyond average medical school debt ($234k!). 

Because medical residency in the United States is incompatible with being a parent.

It is a Sunday evening, and I am writing this as I wait for my husband to get back from the hospital. He was “on call” today, which, in lay terms means his work hours were “all day.” He was out the door before I woke up, and it is now 9:30pm and Find My shows that he is still at the hospital. So that means he’s on hour 15 or 16 of his workday, and he could be leaving in a few minutes, or he could be there for another few hours (and I have no idea which).

I do know he got at least a 15-minute break today, because our toddler and I went to the hospital today to have lunch with him. Why interrupt his workday, drag a toddler across town right before nap time (thereby risking the loss of my cherished mid-day downtime because of the dreaded car nap), and pay for parking and mediocre cafeteria food on a Sunday? Because if I hadn’t, I truly don’t know when my son would have seen his dad next.

This pattern – out before the family wakes up, back after bedtime- is the rule, not the exception. An “early” day might mean he gets out before 7pm – but that doesn’t guarantee that he’ll see our toddler, who goes to bed between 7 and 7:30pm.  

As a medical spouse with a young child, of the most infuriating comments I ever hear is among the lines of “but don’t they cap work hours now?” Or even worse – the occasional insinuation that perhaps today’s residents have it “too easy” because of work hour restrictions. Because the answer is yes – work hours are technically capped at 80 hours/week – but let’s talk about that: 

First, here’s what an 80 hour/week schedule looks like, in case you haven’t worked one lately:

Second, from a caregiving perspective, an 80/hour week cap is laughable, because you can still miss 100% of a toddler’s waking hours most days of the week on an 80 hour/week schedule.