By IAN MORRISON

Donald Trump is leading in the polls and could become the Republican nominee and maybe even President. He has not been specific on healthcare. I asked Scottish-Canadian-Californian healthcare futurist Ian Morrison to conduct an interview with Trump, figuring that Morrison would have an in with Trump given Trump’s praise for Scottish and Canadian healthcare. Not entirely coincidentally Ian is my old boss & mentor and will be a keynote speaker at this Fall’s Health 2.0 conference–Matthew Holt

Ian Morrison: Thanks for making time Mr. Trump, I was asked to interview you on healthcare because I am Scottish and your mother was a Scot.

Donald Trump: Yes she was, a beautiful person. I love Scotland. I own Turnberry, the best golf resort in Europe. I built a magnificent new course near Aberdeen. The Scots love me, I get along with the Scots.

Morrison: Actually, Mr. Trump, with all due respect, they think you are a bit of an asshole and were offended when you told them not to build a wind farm off shore from your new golf course because you thought it would spoil the view for your American visitors.

Trump: (Angrily). Look, the problem with the Scots is they don’t win any more. When was the last time you won…Braveheart, right? When was that 1800 or something?

Morrison: 1305

Trump: See. Losers for 800 years. So don’t talk to me about the Scots winning.

Morrison: So why did you point to Scotland and Canada as good examples of healthcare.

Trump: I saw it on a show. And I thought that if Scotland and Canada do well…and they are both losers…then we are really bad at healthcare. By the way, Canada are such losers we don’t even need to build a wall because they are not smart enough to come here illegally. So I want to make America great again, and especially healthcare.

Morrison: So let’s turn to healthcare, you don’t like Obamacare?

Trump: Let me tell you something. Obamacare is a disaster. The costs are going about 20, 30, 40 percent, the doctors are quitting, it is a disaster–because of Obama.

Morrison: Mr. Trump those rate increases are what insurers asked for in some states, but reputable studies show that if consumers shop around on the exchanges they can secure a better deal. For example, in Nebraska some insurers asked for 15, 20, 30 percent rate increases but two new insurers entered the market at zero premium increases over 2015. So isn’t it working?

Trump: Nebraska, do they even have a primary? Look, everyone knows Obamacare is a disaster and we have to repeal and replace. Everyone. But I will do it. I will get it done. I will make American Healthcare great again.

Morrison: So you don’t think that covering 20 million uninsured people was a good idea?

Trump: Look we are not going to let people die in the streets the way they are now. So we will repeal and replace Obamacare. Period. And everyone will be taken care of.

Morrison: So you would be in favor of universal health insurance provided by the government like Bernie Sanders has proposed?

Trump: I want to to debate Bernie so badly, because we would win. Hillary is a bigger name so part of me wants her because it would be two great brands going head to head. But Bernie, he is a socialist. I make a lot of money. I don’t like socialists.

Morrison: With all due respect Mr. Trump, you did not answer the question. How are you going to take care of everyone after you repeal Obamacare?

Trump: Look. The way I do things I get the best people together in a room, I have a beautiful conference room at Trump Tower on 5th Avenue. It’s a beautiful, classy room, Ivanka did it. So I would get a few of the best people. Not a lot, just a few. We’d take a day. Figure it out. And I’d sleep on it overnight and come up with a plan. And then the next day we ‘d go ahead and get it done.

Morrison: Have you thought about who you would invite to the meeting to redesign healthcare.

Trump: No I haven’t, not yet. (Smiling) I am kind of busy right now, running for President. And by the way we are winning everywhere. The polls ahead……..so far ahead.

Morrison: You lost to Senator Cruz in Iowa.

Trump: No technically…We actually won because Cruz defrauded Ben’s vote. But I am not worried about Cruz…people say he’s a pussy. I didn’t say that. People call him that. I like him. But the people they come to my rallies. They love me. They say these things. “Cruz is a pussy”, and I reprimand them for saying it, but what can you do?

Morrison: Back to the meeting to design the replacement of Obamacare, what kinds of best people are we talking about?

Trump: Look we will get to health care, when we are finished winning all these elections. But let me give you some examples. And this isn’t final. But, I would probably invite Ben Carson, nice man. He’s a pretty good doctor and he’s black, so he’s a twofer, so Ben for sure. Dr. Oz he’s in New York, great brand guy, and he’s making a fortune from the vitamins. So he would be good. And look New York has some great hospitals like Mount Sinai and, by the way I do fundraisers for all of them. They love me. I do these fund raisers I get my friends to donate millions. So I would get someone from the hospitals, probably New York Presbyterian, because I’m a Presbyterian. Which by the way goes over big in the Bible belt. They are very religious.

Morrison: So Ben Carson, Dr. Oz and someone form New York Presbyterian. Anyone else?

Trump: Ivanka….she is very fit, she has a beautiful body. By the way, I have tremendous children. They are very healthy because like me, they don’t smoke (never have), don’t drink and they work out. So I would get Ivanka involved. Maybe she would run the whole thing, we’ll see.

Morrison: Your children are a real credit to you and your wives, Mr Trump. But back to healthcare what will Trump healthcare look like?

Trump: Look we will get the specifics out later. But let me tell you this. We will get rid of Obamacare, we will make America great again, and…..we will make American Healthcare great again. It will be huge, classy, unbelievable, it will have the best people…and by the way the utilization will be very low because there will be a gigantic wall around it paid for by the Mexican government.

Morrison: Mr. Trump, thank you. This has been incredible.

Editor’s Note: This interview is a fake, but Donald Trump is real. Think about it.

Ian Morrison is health care futurist and former President of the Institute for the Future